Samina the who?

How I started taking care of myself

Wait! Before you run away, this isn’t your average blog post about taking care of yourself. While that’s at the root of it all, I wanted to share my personal journey around health and wellness.

It all started in 2016 when I started my first job out of college. I was lucky enough to have been admitted into a competitive rotational program at a large multinational company in New York. I thought it’d be the perfect gig since I can commute from my parents’ home and fulfill their “requirement” of me moving back home after college. Since day one though, things were really tough. I commuted about three hours a day, was working 10-12 hours, was responsible for helping my parents at home, and slept about half as much as I needed to.

On top of all of this, I was trying to figure out how to manage my parents ostracizing me for wanting to marry outside of their culture (but that’s a story for another time).

And guess what happened?

I got ill over and over again. I’d get countless colds, my skin would break out in hives inexplicably (seriously, not even the doctor was able to figure this one out), and I was mentally struggling to get anything done. It felt like the stress was literally killing me.

Fast forward three years and I’m so blessed to say that my life looks so incredibly different. I work in a much more positive environment and have prioritized the things in life that matter most to me. I feel so much more happy and fulfilled! Here are a few of the critical changes that I made that can be useful for you to consider:

I set boundaries.

When I started my first job out of college, I thought I had to be on 24/7. Not being available was a sin in the workplace – I responded to emails at all hours of the night, went in early, stayed late, and said “yes” to everything. I worked with people who would take any advantage to unload their projects on to someone junior.

I’d then come home, and feel pressure to “help” my dad do things for his new business, deep clean the kitchen, or post things they want to sell on Craigslist…you get the point. I was reaching a breaking point fast.

I decided to set boundaries – and to be 100% honest – some were intentional and some not. For example, I left my first job to work at a different company in a different city. My new company had a much better work life balance, and my commute became a small fraction of my daily NYC commute. Not to mention, I got some critical distance from my parents (love you, mom and dad) and their seemingly endless requests and requirements. Now I can help them with a select few things that don’t require me to be in the same place, whether it’s monetary support or giving them contact information for contractors I can find on Google.

I understand that just moving to a different city for a new job isn’t feasible for everyone, especially right away, but I would strongly encourage setting small boundaries like a specific hour that you stop working, or defining a set of tasks you’re willing to take on for others you may care for.

I became much more selfish.

I always struggled with this one. I was taught in school and by my parents that selfishness is a terrible trait in a person. What I think they meant, however, is that a person who is ONLY selfish is super unpleasant to be around.

My whole life, I’ve tried to make other people happy and cater to the needs and wants of my parents and three older brothers. I wanted so badly to be the “good” daughter and sister, and as someone who was constantly bullied in school, I really wanted to have friends. I think I was socially awkward too, which never helps.

When I started thinking more about the things that I want out of life and actually acting on them, I felt a lot more fulfilled. I didn’t necessarily stop giving or caring for others, but started caring for myself a bit more. Life isn’t always a give and take. Sometimes you can give more without taking anything away – and it’s okay to give to yourself.

I started to take more time for myself, both after working hours and on weekends to be alone or write. I started to say “no” to hanging out with negative people or to doing things I don’t want to do. I occasionally put my phone away for a few hours at a time so I didn’t have to be available to others at all times.

I committed to a relationship…with myself.

Think about all the great components of any relationship: love, support, humor, forgiveness…I can go on forever.

I started to realize that I needed to find those things in my relationship to myself. I needed to love myself, believe in my abilities, laugh things off, and forgive myself for making mistakes. After all, I do those things for my family and friends – wouldn’t it make sense I treat myself that way too?

Like most people, I’ve my own worst critic my entire life – I made the decision to have a better relationship with me and accept who I am as a way of taking care of myself. It’s mentally and emotionally exhausting to always dwell on what I could have done better on that one project at work or how unattractive I feel because I have chubbier cheeks. No one else cares! Learning to have reasonable conversations with my inner critic about my appearance or abilities creates space for acceptance and improvement.

I also realized I was thinking about myself way too much – read my blog post on this. Taking myself a little less seriously and committing to a positive relationship with myself has been a critical component to my self-care journey.

I love hearing ways that others are practicing self-care. Share your stories and ideas with me down in the comments section or send me an email at saminab09@gmail.com if you want to have a conversation 🙂

How to create a vision board that will make you successful

When I got married just a few months ago, my husband and I decided to get together and create a vision board. I had heard of successful people like Oprah Winfrey and Will Smith rave about the importance of vision boards, and hadn’t understood the hype until I actually sat down and went through the process myself.

Fast forward five months, and I still look at our vision board every day and it acts as a strong reminder for both my husband and I that we have fantastic and exciting goals we want to achieve. I wanted to share with you all how exactly to create a vision board that can do the same for you.

Step 1: Get a corkboard that isn’t too big or small. You may be rolling your eyes at this, but it’s really important! You want to have enough space to fit all your aspirations, and not have a million things on there at the same time. Boiling the ocean will just be overwhelming. I bought a 3×5 foot linen board from TJ Maxx and it was enough space for the two of us.

Step 2: Write down specific statements around exactly what you’re trying to achieve. For example, one of the things I really wanted to accomplish was having high quality health insurance and I could do that through either my employer, or generating enough income for myself to afford it myself. I pinned a photo of a doctor’s lab coat with a stethoscope in the pocket to remind me of how important that goal is to me. Even though I’m so grateful to have one of the best employee health insurance plans I can ever imagine, I still wanted to put this on my vision board to remind me that I’d like to be able to afford it myself if need be.

Step 3: Pick images that represent your goals and visions. Then, bucket them into categories and arrange them on your board as such. It’s important to create relationships between your visions if you can! Continuing with my example above, I placed my image for health insurance very closely to my healthy eating food images. Goals and visions often have some connection between them and putting them together helps in creating your action plans for achieving them. For example, to have great health insurance coverage, I need to either:

Have a job with decent health insurance benefits
Earn enough income to afford premium health insurance

A second goal I had was to be able to eat healthy, organic foods and I realized I needed two things to be able to do that:

Live in a place with access to organic and wholesome food (this might some obvious to some, but I grew up in a food desert, and understand the strong importance of simply having access)
Afford premium priced organic foods

After breaking down those two visions, the clear connection between them emerged: the need for a certain level of income or reserves to be able to afford my vision for a healthy life.

Step 4: Place your vision board some place that you will see it. The key word is “will.” Notice I didn’t suggest to place your vision board someplace you “can” see it. Placing your board in a place that you will see it everyday, or at least be prompted to see it regularly, will ensure that your goals stay top of mind.

While a vision board isn’t the only thing that’s going to encourage you to work towards your dreams, it’s a fantastic tool to promote thoughtfulness and to have a compass for making decisions. If you’re not sure where to start, a little day dreaming can help 🙂

Do you have a vision board? I’d love to hear about your approach and what’s on your board! You can comment down below or reach me at saminab09@gmail.com to chat any time.

The not-so-obvious mindset that’s holding you back

You know what I’ve found to be exhausting and sometimes counterproductive to my personal growth? Constantly thinking about myself.

Will I be successful?
Am I doing well at my job?
What’s my next career move?
What will others think of me if I did ____?

I recently realized that I can get really caught up in thinking about my future, whether I’m doing all the right things to set myself up for success, and how to fulfill my personal desires. I don’t think that I’m a completely self-absorbed and selfish person – but I’ve almost always lived in a big cities, where an individualistic culture in the norm. I was always told that it’s important to be independent and never rely on anyone else. I am to be my own person, and to “be myself.”

In other words, I’ve always been encouraged be who I want to be and do (almost) anything I want to do, irregardless of the opinions of others. Having strict South Asian parents, there were a few limitations to that rule, but I still had the privilege of having time to dedicate a lot of my attention towards myself, and who I wanted to become.

And this isn’t a bad thing! I got to grow up in diverse, busting environments with tons of interesting people from which I can learn. And I of course recognize that it’s necessary to think about the self to survive and thrive, but diversity in our personal thoughts – in other words, expanding what we think about beyond just our own lives – can give us the understanding of the world that we all seem to crave so deeply.

In fact, I feel so much more fulfilled and when I dedicate space in my brain to focus on other people, new and different ideas, and the communities to which I belong.

For example, some of the things I’ve been contemplating lately include:

How I be a more active member of a community. Whether it’s volunteering at the local conservatory in my neighborhood, becoming an active member at the cultural center I frequent, or spending time with the elderly, I can do a better job at giving my skills, time, and attention. This is a great way to foster and develop purpose, and an awesome use of brain space for me.

What’s going on in the world. I get it – no one wants to tune into the tragedies that are announced on social media and the news everyday. While it’s important to be informed, it can be exhausting! We have the luxury of living in a time, however, where it’s easier than ever before to be inspired by the good things that are happening on the planet. There are platforms, like The Good News Network, dedicated to just sharing the positive nuggets! I find reflection on the positive stories out there to be inspiring and a good way to shift my attention away from the hustle bustle of my everyday life to focus on the bigger picture.

There are a ton more examples of “things to think of,” but the key idea is to broaden the scope of what I think and reflect on, and as a result, the things I spend my time and attention. It feels good to dedicate my mental energy and space to something beyond just me and, which opens up doors for more opportunities for growth.

See, when you open yourself up to new things, you’re prone to more abundance. I firmly believe that earning more, becoming healthier, and being successful start with a healthy mindset, and more importantly a healthy mind – and the way to achieve that is to think beyond yourself.

Learning to let go of mostly talking about or thinking about yourself doesn’t take away from your realm of possibilities, it literally opens more up for you.

Think about it (get it?). If you’re spending your time contemplating and quite frankly, worrying, about the same things over and over, doesn’t it make sense that broadening your thinking will only add to the potential opportunities open to you?

I can do a lot better at this myself, and welcome you to join me in attracting more opportunities and abundance by simply thinking about other things! And hopefully, that opens up the door to build better habits and become a master at the things that matter to you (more to come on this later).

Thanks for reading! I’d love to get to know you, hear your thoughts and comments on this piece and/or my blog. You can reach out to me at saminab09@gmail.com or comment down below 🙂

Confidence is cool, but this “C” word is the key to success

In the past few years, I’ve gotten great performance-related feedback in my job, but the single biggest area for development my managers and colleagues have expressed is that I don’t come off as “confident.”

I’ve always struggled when it comes to confidence. My parents raised me to be soft-spoken and reserved, and I was taught that women should showcase shyness and be compliant. In other words, my husband “should provide for me” while I take on domestic duties.

Before you react, my mom and dad are both immigrants from Bangladesh, where that’s the norm. Of course, having grown up in New York (a little different from village life in Bangladesh), I took my their rules with a grain of salt. To their disdain, I went on to get a college degree and build a career.

But it wasn’t easy. I didn’t have a lot of resources or the backbone of a supportive family throughout most of my major endeavors in life, and for every accomplishment, I experienced a ton of guilt for pursuing my goals and faced a ton of failures. For example, I transferred into the college from which I graduated from a local commuter college, and I failed miserably at first in adjusting to campus life and keeping up with the demands of my professors – who each seemingly expected much more from me than all of my professors in my previous university combined.

I had a way below average GPA, and was rejected from almost every internship for which I applied. As a transfer student, I had to take about 20% more credits in three years than an average student would in their entire four year education to ensure I completed the school’s rigorous curriculum (still not sure how I managed to do that). Not to mention, my college was not at all socioeconomically diverse – I couldn’t related to a lot of the shared experiences the students on campus had and rarely felt I could be my authentic self.

It wasn’t just college – I had experienced blows to my confidence throughout my entire life. I was relentlessly bullied as a child, experienced a lot of turmoil in my upbringing, survived nearly losing my mother in my teen years, and battled societal and cultural expectations around who I needed to be and what I needed to do to fulfill my duties as a daughter, sister, and generally as a Bangladeshi woman.

None of this was good for my confidence in my abilities. Regardless, I made it through it all, and continue to push forward no matter what comes my way. While I’m working to show it better, I am confident in my abilities. And as I reflect on my past, I realize that there’s one attribute that is equally important to being confident : courage.

Merriam-Webster defines courage as the following:

cour·age/noun

the ability to do something that frightens one.
strength in the face of pain or grief.

I’m glad such a word exists so I don’t have to describe my approach to life as “I just do what terrifies me.” Instead, I can describe it to being “courageous,” which sounds way more eloquent. Since this blog is all about bringing out your excellence, here are two actionable things (no “tips and tricks” here) to do to build more courage:

Write down the worst possible scenario that could possibly happen. What is the worst outcome of standing up to your demons or pursuing something you’ve been meaning to do, or better yet, something you’ve been aching to do? Reflect on how you can work backwards from that worst case scenario.

It took six months from when I first seriously considered having a blog for me to get started. I was worried that my content wouldn’t be interesting, that people in my network would see my work and laugh, or that I simply would fail at being consistent. It wasn’t until I clearly wrote all of that out, that I realized that I could proactively work to prevent my worst case scenario. I can be intentional about producing (hopefully) useful content that people would want to read and create schedules to be consistent. And if I fail, it doesn’t mean it’s over – I just need to try something else.

Build on a skill you care about. I’m not talking about a classic workplace skill here, I’m sure you already have plenty of those. Think of something you really want to be excellent at, no matter how far it is from what you think is in your realm of capabilities. It could be flying planes, videography, hostage negotiation (like this guy), or whatever helps you live the highest and truest version of yourself.

Overcoming the fear of pursuing something you really aspire to become will give you greater courage to take on other challenges in life, and will give you a boost of confidence to develop in a way that serves you, and the people around you, in the most impactful way. And you don’t have to quit your job and ditch every responsibility you have in life to do it. Just a small step, like signing up for an interest group or a class, can take you a long way (baby steps!).

Showcasing confidence, and more importantly, developing courage takes ample time and experience to build. It’s important to affirm that you’re doing great already, and are simply striving to excel on all your endeavors. Whether you’re on a journey to figuring out what you want to do with your life, starting a business, or just want to eat more vegetables, I’m confident that you’ll find the courage (see what I did there?) to take steps toward success.

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”
― E.E. Cummings

What does it mean to reach excellence?

I created this blog because I’ve heard a lot of career and business advice in the past few years:

“Hustle hard outside of your 9-5. Your day job is only eight hours of your day.”

“Keep grinding – you should always feel uncomfortable”

“The most important thing when creating your business is evaluating how you can scale quickly”

“To be a successful entrepreneur, you need to think of the next $1B idea”

carl-heyerdahl-181868-unsplash

Sure, all of this advice has a time and a place, but I’m honestly overwhelmed. Should I be working every minute of every day that I’m not eating or sleeping to develop a side hustle or business?

My first few years in Corporate America were full of nuggets of career advice like the ones above. I worked hard on nights and weekends and dedicated almost all of my time, energy, and attention on my roles in an effort to be exceptional (or sometimes even average). My health took a major hit as a result. I was emotionally, mentally, and physically tired.

Which leads me to the flip side of advice I’ve heard, things like:

“You need to unplug and recharge from time to time”

“Self-care is the most critical thing in being successful”

“Make sure to look after your physical and mental well-being. Without that, you have nothing”

Ok, so wait a minute. Nothing is more important than self-care and my health, but I’m supposed to hustle hard and work long hours to make a ton of money and for the #clout (Cardi and Offset, can you clarify?).

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While I acknowledge that both sets of advice are sound for the right person at the right time, I often find myself juggling all of these schools of thought on careers and life all at once.

This resulted in my approach to everything becoming fragmented. There’s a lot of advice out there, and no one to provide guidance on how to consume and digest that advice in a way that it benefits our individual lives.

Upon this realization, I decided to steer clear of articles on career management, YouTube videos filled with lists of things to help me be more productive, and even my mother’s constant tips on being the perfect domesticated wife following my wedding just a few months ago.

I decided that there’s really only one question that acts as a guiding principle for me:

In this season of my life, what does excellence look like?

This question has been life changing. I don’t rely on passively consuming motivational content and advice; instead, I’m able to focus on the things that really serve my goals – and not just any set of goals – ones that help me reach excellence at this particular time in my life.

I’m still on the journey of unraveling what this looks like for me, and I want to share the ups and downs of my adventure in reaching excellence with you along the way. Stay tuned 🙂

In the meantime, I want to hear from you on what excellence means to you. Comment here or reach out at saminab09@gmail.com. I can’t wait to read your responses!

-Samina

Nice to meet you!

Hi! I’m Samina. I’m a New York native and Boston transplant. I’ve been super blessed to have had the opportunity to experience some really cool stuff – whether it’s growing up in the Boogie Down Bronx, traveling for free to Turkey for three months, landing internships where there’s rooms of free samples and trips to coastal havens (it’s work, okay?), or leveraging my career capital and skills to go to exclusive events around the world.

This was probably the second time I had ever been at a farm and I was really excited to see the pumpkin patch.

I’m an opportunity seeker and creator and my biggest motivator in life is my desire to reach excellence in everything I do. I created this space to share with you how you can identify opportunities, too, and how to take advantage of your life circumstances to achieve your own version of excellence.

You can expect to read reflections and takeaways from my wins and losses (so you don’t have to go through it all yourself), advice on various facets of life such as career, relationships, self, and money – and of course – the occasional pep talk 🙂

Above all, I created this space to engage with you and hear YOUR stories. I’m looking forward to getting to know you and hope you use this platform to connect and share with others.

XO,
Samina